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And if you choose to die today. (Crowded House – Don’t dream it’s over)

And if you choose to die today, then go knowing this :

Imagine that everything you put into life, every time you built, every time you contributed, every time you gave, in intention to build, every time you worked hard, got up earlier than you wanted to, attended meetings you could easily have done without, put in the time, the hours, the energy, because you believed in something. You believed in contributing to your family, you believed in building a legacy. Imagine that every time you gave willingly, and the times you gave out of necessity, and the times you gave because you had to. Imagine that none of that ever comes back. That it’s a lie and a fallacy to believe the adages of what goes around comes around, as you sow so shall you reap. Because we have all seen the hundreds of times, when in our most limited view, a man sowed, and toiled, and gave, according to the letter of the law, the specifications of universal, moral and religious laws, and he did not reap. He reaped only loss, and pain and despair. We have all seen it. A hundred times. So imagine if you will, just for one moment, that it doesn’t come back, and is only as Solomon said – all futile. All purposeless. What then? What indeed then? Its a crazy world. We are here then only to be taught a lesson. The sins of generations bearing down on us.

People say to take your own life is the coward’s way out. If it’s cowardice, then how can you be so bold as to face the pain and do it anyway. Nothing lasts forever. Pain is temporary. Physical and emotional, although the nature of temporary is relative. Thus, how I choose to go, is my way of saying goodbye to this world and it’s lessons. How I choose to exit is part of my dance, part of my existence. As every stage actor knows, you hold character until the curtain is properly closed. You hold character until you have exited the stage far enough into the wings that you can no longer be seen.

So how you exit is all part of the dramatic effect of your life. Sometimes that is scripted and sometimes you are entitled to exit, stage left. Take your bow, say your thank-yous.

Your lessons have been learnt, you need neither approval nor permission to leave. You have fought your demons, the warrior decides his own fate. A destination decided. And say, “I’m coming home.”

But know that the “what if” is always there. What if it is all worth while? What if there is a chance, however slim, that my giving, contributing, being, has served a purpose. What if, in building – although my house has been shattered by tornadoes, the glass has splintered and exploded, – what if – my house has been torn to shreds by a gale force wind that none of us predicted, and all that building and gaining and earning, although it seems that it lies wasted, what if -  it has laid a foundation for someone, for the archaeologist from the future to say, this was the original site, the beginning of, the the palace that we now stand upon.

What if?

Then if you choose to die today, know that one more room in that palace won’t be built, one more stone won’t be laid, one more stained glass window won’t be crafted, because you left too soon. You threw it away without the ‘what if’. So, in truth, the adages are not seen to be true, they are not displayed as universal principles that if applied carry results. Life is too cruel for that. Life is too whimsical and fickle for that. But… what if…. what if…. what if your standing ovation is yet to come, and you closed your curtains too soon?

(with tribute to my friend for the blueprint idea)

 

 

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