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December, 2015:

My Fight Song (Rachel Platten)

Like most people, we hear a song on the radio and it resonates with us, and we find ourselves turning the volume up – high – and singing along. And the volume and the energy we bring to singing along depends entirely on where we are at – at that point , emotionally, and circumstantially and how deeply we relate to the lyrics.
And man – some of us – we need to sing – we need to sing with so much passion, with so much gusto, with so much soul power, that there isn’t a volume button that can be turned up high enough to drown out our voices!!!
Did you hear that? Have you felt that?
Have you ever needed to scream a song out loud enough to drown out all the other voices in your head? Have you ever needed to turn the volume up loud enough to drown out your own voice? Your own truth? Because facing your own truth is just too difficult? Because hearing your own truth, in your head is just too painful? So you turn the volume button of life up louder – keep busier – work harder – until – until – that voice, that song, YOUR song – cannot be drowned out. Until there is no volume button that can be turned up high enough to drown out our soul’s voice.

When will you say – enough of the voices in my head that are not mine, that do not raise my spirit, that do not sing my story – only you know the threshold you have- to say – I have taken enough, I have heard enough.
Taken enough pain, taken enough abuse, taken enough belittling, enough disrespect, enough bullying, enough manipulation, taken enough power games, – enough – till YOU decide – till your SOUL swells big enough in you – to scream your story out with so much enthusiasm, that there isn’t a volume button in your head that can be turned up loudly enough to drown out your fight song.
Rachel Patten’s “Fight Song” for that very reason, resonates with so many as her lyrics read : “like a small boat, on the ocean, sending big waves, into motion, like how a single word, can make a heart open, I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion…
When that song plays, when those lyrics start so gently and build to the crescendo, it DOES something to my spirit, my soul shakes, my soul starts to respond, in a million reverberating ways.
Listen to these words:
“All those things I didn’t say – wrecking balls inside my brain, I will scream them loud tonight, can you hear my voice this time? ”
How many of us haven’t had the wrecking balls inside our brains : being taught how to think, being told what to think, being manipulated into NOT thinking at all?
And how many of us have not been the living embodiment of Edvard Munch’s “the scream”? We scream silently, we scream in our desperation, we scream in our agony, in our defeat, in our angst, in our desperation, we scream. But we scream only as the image of Edvard Munch’s 1895 composition.

We live that desperation, and instead of singing like Rachel Platten, “all those things I didn’t say – I will scream them loud tonight” instead of that – we chose to be entrapped in a one dimensional impressionist artists pastel drawing. Holding the pose of the scream. Holding it for 120 years. It’s been 120 YEARS since the scream was sketched, and STILL we hold the pose!
Still we hold the pose! The scream.
So, as you read this – and as you hold that pose – I want to ask you – What are those things you didn’t say?
What are the things I didn’t say – that I need to scream out LOUD tonight?
What IS it YOU NEED to SCREAM?
“Leave me alone to DO it MY WAY? MY WAY IS VALID? MY way WILL produce results, chaotic in your eyes, maybe, but LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME DO IT MY WAY. MY WAY COUNTS. MY WAY MATTERS. MY WAY IS GOOD.”
What is it you need to scream?
“I AM smart enough. I CAN do that. I DO know what I want.”
Maybe what you need to scream is – “ NOTICE ME! VALIDATE ME!” Not in a desperate needy – my entire self image hinges on this sort of way – but because you are a human being who deserves acknowledgement. Because you have brought a contribution and to expect for it to be acknowledged is in fact a HEALTHY self esteem.
OH GIRLS!!!!!
We have SO MUCH to unpack here tonight!
Distorted perceptions.
Distorted belief systems.
Distorted life views.
We were taught to be demure, to be humble, to be hardworking and silent.
And our core value system buys into that. Our core value systems are intrinsically embedded and interwoven into that, so much so, that WE slap labels on ourselves – I am a “bad” person, mother, employee, wife … if I don’t comply
If I don’t want what YOU want me to want – I am a bad person, somehow wrong, somehow stupid, not smart enough, because I SHOULD want what YOU want me to want, and if I don’t – I am “wrong”.
What do you want to SCREAM tonight?
“I CAN’T LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE MY LOVE ANY LESS TRUE”
“I CANT ACT OR DRESS THE WAY YOU WANT ME TO IN ORDER TO EARN YOUR APPROVAL, I HAVE TRIED, GOD KNOWS I HAVE TRIED, AND MY SPIRIT IS DYING BECAUSE I SO BADLY WANT YOUR APPROVAL, BUT THAT TRAPS ME IN EDVARD MUNCHES PASTEL PAINTING.”
BUT :
On 2 May 2012, Edvard Munch’s 4th version of “The Scream” sold at Southeby’s for $119 922,600!! It sold to a financier, Leon Black, at the third highest nominal price paid for a painting at auction.
A 91 cm x 73.5 cm in dimension oil pastel scream -( that’s that’s 3 ruler lengths x 2 and a bit ruler lengths. ) A 91cm oil pastel scream sold at $119 922 600!!!!
That scream of desperation had a currency. It had a price.
What is the price of your scream?
Or, and it’s an entirely different question – at what price will you scream?
But SCREAM you must. Scream you will. Because as a soul – your soul can not do anything other than scream.
In the first scenario it is a scream of release. It is a scream so primal, that it aches – it aches so hard in your being, that it comes out – like the cry of a wounded animal in anguish, in pain, but as it finds its voice, as it finds its strength, that scream gains a power, gains a power from deep inside your being, until it is screaming, no longer in anguish, no longer in desperation, no longer as a strangled death cry, but as a roar, as a roar so loud it reverberates and echos for ALL generations of women to hear! And your scream has a price. It has a VALUE. Your scream has bought back generations of women’s dignity! Your scream will echo and reverberate through the generations to come as it BREAKS THE SILENCE and you SCREAM – ENOUGH!!!!!
ENOUGH!!!
ENOUGH!!!!
Enough with the definitions.
Enough with the financial bondage
Enough with the mind games
Enough with the limitations and mental shackles.

The physical abuse women suffer is ONLY a manifestation of the mental shackles.
IT IS ENOUGH.
And only when we scream – do we break the limitations of OUR OWN patterns of thought, our own belief systems, our own value structures that WE place on OURSELVES.

At what price will you scream? What will you sell your soul for? What price have you sold out for and is that price ever ever equivalent to the value of your being.
The price of stability for the children’s sake? The price of a roof over your head, and a few bills being paid? The price of companionship, however insidious? WHAT PRICE HAVE WE PUT ON OURSELVES? What will our scream cost?
“Like a small boat on the ocean, sending big waves into motion, like how a single word, can make a heart open, I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion.
And all those things I didn’t say, wrecking balls inside my brain, I will scream them loud tonight, can you hear my voice this time?”
Its about taking back your power. Your voice is your power. Own your story. Own your life, and own your power.
More importantly than anything else, take back your power – from yourself! I know how contradictory that sounds, rather bizarre – taking back your power from yourself. But that – right there – is how insidious it is!
Nothing exists without your permission – no matter how tacit.
Have you allowed yourself to believe that you are less than? That you are not enough? Not strong enough? Not beautiful and spectacular enough? Not smart enough?
WHO TOLD you that? Who- told –you- that?
And WHY are YOU singing THEIR song in YOUR life. They may have told you that in a myriad of different ways, some subtle, some not so subtle, some overt, some more sinister perhaps. Sometimes it was intentionally conveyed, and sometimes the ‘messenger’ was but a victim of his or her own songs and life belief systems. But taking the power back from YOURSELF is examining the story you have chosen to tell and retell yourself. Taking the power back from yourself is about questioning why that became your theme song. Why did you chose to believe them? Why did you choose to take that on board and internalize that belief system about yourself and your world?
I had a random encounter once with a beautiful Indian lady, with whom I was making small talk, and my INTERNAL dialogue was automatically self critical. I reverted automatically to harsh self judgement. I do not recall the specific circumstances of the conversation, but I would have likely commented on what I perceived at that time to be my fat thighs or flabby arms, and in the most graceful, gentlest, most self assured, voice, like water just flowing over the soul, she said “why would you say that about your own body? There are enough people out there who speak hurtful words over you, who will judge and criticize you. Why would you be in their camp? Why would you join the faction that fights against your dignity? It is your body, you need to be your own number one supporter. “
And that is the self talk we need, to break the power we have over ourselves that allows us to settle for less than, that allows us to develop a pattern of thought that would permit a predator into our lives.
Today, in the right now, we break those shackles. Today we break those patterns. Tessellations.
Look everywhere. It’s all around you. It’s in the stars. It’s in nature. It’s everywhere. Patterns. Any mathematician will tell you the universe is constructed on patterns. Why should it be different in our lives? It’s not. Our very DNA structure is a pattern put together in a specific sequence to create a very specific result – the human person you are, from the cellular structure, to your hair colour. So why would it be different in the thoughts we construct, the pattern of thoughts we keep designing over and over again – that is what creates our reality, that is what constructs our experience of the world. We can’t alter our life picture, unless we reconstruct the pattern of our thoughts, our self belief, our core value system. And that is what taking the power back from yourself is all about. The areas where you self talk, where you accept mediocre, where you live the unforgivable, where you sustain an environment that does not celebrate you – these things will not change, unless you know that it is unacceptable to your core thoughts, to your core belief system about yourself for it to be this way. Take your own power back, walk in that power, and then… then…. We will raise our voices as ONE – and sing with Rachel Platten:
“This is my fight song, Take back my life song, Prove I’m alright song, My power’s turned on, starting right now, I’ll be strong….. cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.”