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August, 2013:

Lady in Red….

I know there is so much negativity in the world and we should seek reason to celebrate. But I firmly believe woman’s day has been grossly misconstrued.

Clever Advertising Agencies! Why do the women who work there not RAGE against the promotion of bubble bath and roses??!! It’s a day for FIGHTING! It’s a day for ANGER! It’s a day for BITTER TEARS and POWERFUL voices! It’s a day for reciting Virginia Wolf and Maya Angelo. It’s a day for emulating the likes of Grace Jones.

A day to say, “NEVER AGAIN!”

Never Again, under my care will a girl child feel intimidated, threatened, and worse! Exposed to abuse, to inappropriate sexual power plays. Never again!!!!

Today, I am menstruating. Yes. I said that. Blood is pouring from me. From my heart, from my eyes, my body bleeds. For just as menstruation symbolises that a birth is NOT imminent, that a new life has NOT been formed, that there is no need to nourish a developing, growing be – ing,  Nothing is taking form, nothing is taking shape… thus I bleed. So too this nation – the entire nation – is menstruating. Thick, globular clusters! Rivers of blood.

{And even more shocking than the fact that many a reader is appalled by the graphic description of menstrual blood, is the shocking fact that they are NOT appalled by the fact that there is no birthing of a new culture towards women, that there is no mentality or psyche to nourish that is bringing a new birth to this nation, a new baby that is innocent, that brings with it a message that God has not yet tired of this species. There are readers who are more ‘put off’ by the description of a natural process, much the same as a bowel movement, than the sad and animalistic state of our nation – the anguish, the horrors inflicted on children, in the name of perversions.}

The women and girls who have somehow chosen to live subservient lives, behaving according to a set of rules and regulations that will never allow them to achieve self actualisation – its an exchange – an exchange for ‘protection’ and economic comfort!

Ah the ache of that irony!

*writer must pause – pause to question of God – WHY is it even necessary for me to pen these words in the first place – why does every woman, irrespective of her personal circumstances – not, in solidarity with her gender – stand – on this day – that our Nation has set aside – and Scream it from the mountain tops, that Enough is Enough!*

I don’t want to be treated as a princess – I am not a porcelain doll, I am not soft and gentle and weak. I LIKE gentle treatment, I like to be spoken to in soft and gentle terms and tones, I do like receiving unexpected tokens (yes, yes, flowers and soaps and scarves) that are outward expressions of an inward feeling of fondness and affection that a male may feel towards me. But that is not WHO I am…. And doesn’t every human being, irrespective of age or gender LIKE that – so – women’s day is NOT a day to PATRONIZE me with your ‘HAPPY Women’s day’ HAPPY??? HAPPY????????

Don’t wish me Happiness on a day like today. Sit with me and weep for the destruction that we have inflicted on our nation by not wrapping our children up in layers of protection against teachers who have sex with their students, against men with titles who feel entitled, against the tongue that declares ownership over another, against the limitations we place on women with antiquated concepts of women’s duties, roles, attitudes.

Save the abstract noun – and abstract it truly is – of happiness for TRUE CELEBRATIONS. I will wait, eagerly for the day when we can CELEBRATE Women’s day. As it rightfully should be celebrated.

 

 

Angry “Birds”

How do we release or let go of anger?

We write.

“The pen is mightier than the sword”

So we push, press, poke, with PEN and PAPER!

And wage the battle of our hearts on thin paper,

Oh, the strength of that paper! To hold SO much weight -

The weight of our hearts, the weight of our anger, the weight of our aggression, hatred, pain, anguish, angst – OH!

What a weight for thin paper to hold!

And yet….

Better to be held by paper than by our hearts.

If held in our heats it’s cancerous – it tightens its grip – so hard – it’s like a vice grip – it’s a heart attack – it’s in, not out.

And if it’s in – it needs to be Fed, like a hungry animal.

It CRIES for nourishment, it CRIES for fuel, it CRIES for food – And feed it we will.

We will feed it with alcohol, drugs, inappropriate relationships, more anger, binge eating, excess. But it will be fed.

Or, let US cry, let us CRY it OUT. Let us wash it out, with our tears, with our words, with sharing, talking, writing, singing.  But let it out.

When there is nothing within that demands nourishing – there is peace.

Thank you to those who have the courage to talk.

Thank you to those who have the courage to cry.

You are not weak.

You are on the path to peace.

You will tell your story, till you need tell it no more, only then, is it out.

And with peace, there is no need for the sword.

 

when words just aren’t enough, sing it baby, sing it.

When I originally penned this, I had somewhat of a tune in my mind, but not being musically talented, I am unable to set it to the tune, yet the tune is persistent and strong in my mind. So read more as lyrics to a song than a blog per se, make your own music, your own tune, just as life itself demands of you.

Does this sound silly?
Can you understand?
All I want is my own life, in my hand.
I want to be free and to redefine my life my thoughts – for once just mine
I just wanna sparkle before I die –
Sparkle in my own light – and not be shy.
(Harder beat) I just wanna live. My own way.
No explanation necessary. Nothing to say.
No please may I? No “sorry Sir”
No taking into consideration – the rich – the poor.
No comparison, no justify, no sad confessions, no reasons why.

A beautiful alone-ness, a brand new start.
A precious retreat, me and my heart.
No worried projections of things to come
No remorseful regrets of things past done.
Just a blank slate, a fresh new life.
This is my time. No other way.
This is my time, no more to say.