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July, 2013:

Counting costs.

Thoughts provoked by the title of the soon anticipated Parlotones book, entitled “Sold Out”Although drafted as an open letter to the Parlotones, with reference to the title of their book, it none the less is an indictment on us all, for we have all “Sold Out” at one point or another, to lesser or greater degrees. Thus my decision to include it as a blog post.

SOLD OUT!

The ambiguity aches!

To whom?
At what cost?

That gasp for breath – that sensation of anticipation – the moment; the second before the adrenalin – often so much more intense than the explosion itself.

That gasp for breath – the disbelief – or the capturing of the ecstasy.

As if that one short sharp inhalation can suck the energy particles, charged with all their electric pulsations from the air, that gasp so intense; an involuntary reflex action – of both pain and pleasure.

And you keep me suspended in that gasp.

Sold Out?
To whom?
At what cost?

Your passion oozes from every word in every line,
Your beautiful contradictory, tormented wisdom captivates and enchants -
in every lyric in every song.

Sold out!

To whom?
At what cost?

You’ve asked the hard questions in life – and they’ve been answered – as life so typically does – not in clarity, but in bringing the occasional glimpse of insight – followed by a barrage of even more tormenting questions – and THAT – I think, is why your shows are ‘Sold out’.

But – suspended in the gasp -
The Parlotones – Sold out? To whom? And at what cost?

So, I hold my breath, in anticipation, of what the book may reveal – that moment – when all you can think is “My G-d!”
*GASP*
Don’t disappoint!!!

But even if you have – sold out – in all the contradictory duality of the word – I will celebrate anyway, as I, I of all people – am the essence of the ambiguous – the chameleon – the compact eye of the fly; and I too anguish at how so very often, I have SOLD OUT.
Too cheaply! Or more accurately, at too great a cost!

Best Wishes for SOLD OUT concerts, for always,
Fiona.

 

 

Gonna have to face it, your’e addicted to love (Robert Palmer)

Love has nothing to do with the here and now.

Love is eternal. Love is timeless.

Love is not bound by space nor distance.

Love is the bond and connection made by 2 people in this vast universe,

who recognise in each other a void, a loss, a longing and need, and have an inexplicable  desire to fulfill that with your very own essence.

To take what you have, who you are, all you own, and use it to make that other person whole.

That is how you become one.

You take all he has, and you give all you are.

One.

One connection, one soul.

One need.

One bond.

 

Note to self and reader: A little co-dependency going on, undoubtedly, but I’d rather be addicted to love than the myriad other addictions that are just as crippling, with more devastating fallout.

 

“from a whisper to a scream” (an entirely different genre to the originally titled horror)

You have it.

Life.

See the beauty in every moment.

Breathe deeply.

Observe the beauty of life around you.

Dance.

By yourself.

Laugh.

At yourself.

Don’t take one moment of your child’s life for granted.

Be patient with them –  for it may be the last time you are allowed to show patience to them. Know that, become aware of it.

Let go of struggling  and be gracious in trusting that you will always have all you need.

Not all you want.

For what we think we want is what makes our beautiful pools of life into muddy cess pits.

Acknowledge your life every day, with nothing but what nature provides.

Let go.

For it is in holding on so tightly to what we have, that our fists are so tightly clenched, how can the world possibly give us anything. Open your hands to receive, and if that opening of your fists means releasing something else first, then release it, cause clearly it isn’t serving you well.

Even the hard times are good, because there is power in tears, there is spiritual connection in anguish.

Don’t rush to fix it, rather experience it, then it will have had it’s time, and pass on, as all things do.

Every emotion is but an energy, ever changing, ever in motion.

Soon, you will recognise which energy fuels you positively and you will be surprised by what you then recognise as no longer necessary or important in your life.

Then, you will have it all. And more.

 

 

Hey now, hey now, don’t dream it’s over (crowded house)

This is a letter I wrote in late 2011, but left forgotten on a memory stick, as so many other things in my life.

I have decided to publish it (and others that follow – found on the same memory stick) as an unfulfilled promise to myself, made good, because – as the cliche goes – better late than never.

I am past this phase in my life, but for posterity, for reference, and for the greater good of every person, who perchance happens upon it….

It’s published!

As you KNOW you have an incredibly unique, special path in this life. It’s almost untouchable, it’s almost holy, it’s so intense, so complex, so rich, so specific, so unique… here is the message: DON’T COUNT YOURSELF OUT….

When you say that you won’t be noticed, you are counting yourself out, and that is sinful. All you have done, and all you have been through up to this point, is for the sole purpose of STARTING. Life has just begun, your life purpose, your destiny, your specific goal has JUST begun.

Because we have free choice, you can step out, you can count yourself out, but the ‘torch’ will have to pass to someone else, and that’s not right.

You need to fulfill your own life purpose.

NOW you have the wisdom.

NOW you have the knowledge.

You have had your demons to fight.

You have to take what you have and NOT be crippled by the stuff that enabled you to get there in the first place. All kind of ironic. All kind of twisted, but that is life’s way. And that is why fulfilling destiny is so hard. Because the growth we require to get us to the starting point, the starting line, is the very growth that can cripple us before we set off.

You have a significant  purpose. Don’t give up. Don’t be paralysed. Most of all, DON’T count yourself out!

You may have needed to be where you were for a while… kind of healing, hiding, being in a place where you were sort of safe, nothing was required of you, nothing was expected of you. You needed time to almost come back from the dead if you like.

But NOW, now the light is beginning to shine, windows and doors are opening, and it is your choice – your choice now. Are you going to stay where you are? Life over. Game played. Let the K.O. you got leave you unconscious, in that state of comatose – I,m not hurting so badly, so I’ll just stay here forever and mark time till time is over… OR… are you going to rise, like a phoenix from the ashes,  are you going to step up, step out, step towards.

So many analogies here, but let me take the boxing ring one as a starting point. Yes, you gave it everything, yes, you thought you got the 10 count, maybe you did. Yes, you have been K.O for a while but – you had NO ONE in your corner, you were trying to do this thing without a support team, without a manager, without someone to apply the alcohol, the ice, the stitches to the wound, and you went on – wounded, no wonder you couldn’t win, no matter how strong you were. But now, you know you have all the angels that surrounding you – standing behind you,  in your corner, but MORE than in your corner, they have stepped right over the boundary line, and walked straight into your ring.

Get up. Get up and fight again. It WILL be the best fight of your life. You WILL come out winning, finally, with the title, recognition and status you deserved all along, except, I know that now, ironically, you won’t be doing it –  this time -  for any of that. This time, for the first time, the status, recognition, title mean nothing. The heart means everything.

So DO it! Do it. Don’t stay comatose.

Life DOES have a happy ending. Like every book and every movie.

Books and movies are only based on what the human authors can conceive of, relate to, have seen, known and heard. And it ends happily. There are those few that don’t. But they are more the warnings, the few that say, in rare instances, it’s possible to end it too soon, to cut it off before the happy ending. Don’t be the lesson, rather use the lesson to live – live, live, larger than life, larger than even you dreamed possible.